…just random thoughts today…..
It occurs to me today, as it has a lot over that last few weeks that I wonder what the heck happened here anyway?
Mike’s illness was all encompassing. His death was depleteing at best and catastrophic at worst. However, I have discovered that I’ve taken a rather passive role here lately and just simply sat back and watched everyone we know.
Mike knew lots and lots and lots of people and many of them did call him when they first found out he was sick. But they soon dwindled away to a few select few. But now they are all gone. I wonder sometimes if people think that cancer is contagious. It isn’t like the chicken pox or even AIDs. It isn’t contagious or I’d have it too wouldn’t I? But it is awlful. No doubt about it.
But what happened here anyway? Mike was just fine this time last year and now he’s just gone. Taken by force, against his will but according to God’s will…..certainly against my own will also. But what happened to everyone that he used to know?
What happened to the plans, the goals, the dreams Mike and I had just a few short months ago?
Sometimes I feel as though I’m the sole survivor of a holocaust of the emotional kind….can that be true? If it isn’t, why is the other side of my bed empty every night? Why does Mike’s clothes still hang where he put them? And why oh why is there so much silence outside but so much noise inside my head?
I suppose if I could find the answers to these questions, then I’d have the answer to all questions wouldn’t I?