Anxiety is Here to Stay

…I guess.

I woke up as is the norm for me…2:00 a.m. and stared at the ceiling.

I need to find a way to shut off the stupid thoughts that run through my head like a over powered steam engine!

I did tell myself ENOUGH of this!  But I clearly didn’t hear myself as I’m feeling the anxiety in my stomach.  I’m hating this.  It is paralyzing.  I have a constant headache which I might consider taking ibuprofen for except my stomach lurches at the thought.

I had a semi-epiphany this morning.  I wonder if I’m still grieving the death of my husband even though its almost 6 years now.  November 4th is the anniversary of his death and I’m wondering if that date is creeping up on me like a slow black oily ooze.

Could it be that the depression I’m feeling as something to do with that date?  An anniversary of death?  I don’t know.

Could it be that the depression and anxiety I’m feeling as to do with the extreme life changes that have occurred lately?  Possibly.

Do I care what the source is?  Not really except if I knew the why behind the anxiety then I can seek out the resolution and/or solution to it.

Is this residual grief I’m feeling?  Could be.

Is this just reaction to life?  Could be.

Its always with me, I carry it wherever I go. I know its there even if I’m laughing.

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