I Have No Words Today

There are no more words left to say.
Right now–for the moment, maybe for the day, I have no words left to say. 
I’ve said and heard a LOT of words over the past two days. 
Words said to me by people who are careless with their words, people who do not understand harsh words do hurt..I have to remember that their words simply translate to me as blah, blah, blah.
But those words were exhausting!
I have no way to articulate what I’m feeling and what I’m going through….but I’ll try.
I’m tired….but that’s not good enough to express how tired
Fatigued, exhausted, weary, burnt out, beat, drained, and distressed, weak, faint, vexed, overburdened,  and depressed.
I’m lonely….but that’s not good enough to express how lonely.
Abandoned, alone, deserted and forsaken isolated, desolated, secluded, rejected, reclusive,
solitary, outcast, cast down, withdrawn and forlorn.
I’m sad….but that’s not good enough to express how sad.
Unhappy, gloomy, heartbroken, dismal & heartsick,melancholy, hurting, dark, gloomy, pitiful, heavy hearted, dejected, lamentable and oppressed.
I’m lost….but that’s not good enough to express how lost I feel I am…..
Confused, adrift, disoriented, gone, and astray, wandering, vanished, devastated, annihilated, dissipated, obliterated, eradicated, erased, wasted, vanquished, defeated….
I’ve strayed it seems.
I can’t find my way out
I can’t find my way through
I’m tired of pushing against life
I’m tired of struggling to survive
Sick of the process
Sick of being a leftover
Tired of the criticism
Worn out by the journey
I don’t want to hold on
I don’t want to hang in
I don’t want to keep running
I don’t want to be patient
I don’t want to get upI don’t want to go over, under or through
I know what I want to do…
Stare out the window til the sun goes down
Sip through a straw til I don’t hurt any more
I’m giving up today and giving in for now
But I’m not going to forget about what’s right
Oh, God  I’m looking up where’s my Father?
Can’t see Him
Don’t feel Him
His voice is silent….
I’m falling…..
redeem me
save me
catch me if you want to
catch me if you can….
Will you break my fall or just break me…?
You make the call.
I’m done talking.  But I’m not done praying.
There are no words left to say….
For now, I am drained!

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