I do not know when or where it ends.
In the sky there is no star;
To soothe my wound and let it mend;
I walk alone; all by myself,
With no companion by my side;
Into my heart, no one can go
To bring me home where I can hide—
Away from this pain and tears,
Away from words that pierce and bleed,
Away from the loneliness that is my creed
Away from all the fears and worries,
That steals my joy like hungry weeds;
But as I walked across the road,
An endearing dove flew down to me;
It landed there on my shoulder bold,
And memories it did bring to me:
The times when we were carefree,
The times when we were cancer free,
The times when we were planning life,
Away from all the struggles and strife,
The times when I thought all was fine—
The days unknown to which I was bound
To cry alone over this crime;
Of a life taken before its time.
Memories, I got them and shed more tears,
So I surrendered then, to all my grief;
Everything had been oh too brief;
So on and on, I traveled far
Into a world that is different now,
A world that I don’t belong in anyhow,
Into a world that has no hope.
My wounds might heal but never the scar,
Though I know down deep I’ll have to cope,
For now, the pain might seem too much,
That all I can manage is to roam,
And look for a place where I can hope,
I wish for eternity, that it won’t be such—
‘Cause I know someday I’ll be home.
…And home is where my heart is.
Until then I’ll just wait,
“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid