Why Not Honor A Widow This V-Day?

happy valentines day-3Can you tell me if any of these bleak events remind you of a woman you might know?

  • A wife helplessly watched her husband shrink to a shell of himself as cancer ravaged his body.
  • A best friend’s newly-retired husband collapsed while on vacation and never regained consciousness.
  • A thirty-something wife watched her husband ride away for the first and last time on the new motorcycle that he’s always wanted only to never see him again because a drunk driver
  • Another friend’s husband lost all hope in life and took his own life.
  • A young military wife with toddlers got the dreaded knock on her door when her soldier was killed at war.
  • A middle-age wife kissed her husband good night; he had a massive heart attack while in his sleep.

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This is what usually happens for a widow on Valentine’s Day:   NOTHING

valentines-day-14th-feb

She thinks of her beloved husband who is gone now.  She’ll remember past Valentine’s Days she enjoyed a romantic dinner with her husband or how he surprised her with a beautiful pair of ruby earrings that matched the ruby ring he’d given her for their anniversary.

She’ll feel lonelier than the usual loneliness she feels on a day to day basis.              sad_valentine_2  Perhaps the only other day more painful than the day she buried her husband is Valentine’s Day.  We’ve all seen commercials, advertisements, signs in flower shops telling men to buy women flowers for Valentine’s Day.  I think red roses are supposed to be the “standard” flower to buy.  But for the widow, the last time she got flowers was probably at her husband’s funeral.

Maybe Valentine’s Day can also be Honor A Widow Day so that NOTHING stops this year.

25 Things You Can Do For A Widow On Valentine’s Day:

Some women prefer togetherness; some prefer “me” time. But don’t be afraid to ask the widow you know what she prefers.  Don’t be afraid because your fear is nothing compared to her hurt.  Maybe you could:

1.   Shower her with Valentine’s Day cards; or thCA1DMIFJ

2.   Send her flowers with a note telling her how special she is to you; or

3.   Take her to the movies or her a favorite restaurant; or2010_02_valentines_day_dinner

4.   Take her to a special place related to her hobbies or interests; or

5.   Get a group of people together to play board games and add a bottle of wine; or

6.   Send a Valentine’s Day card with a gift card to a book store or coffee shop, or small token such as a scented candle, flavored teas,  body lotions; orthCAVM03HS

7.   Make a nice dinner with all the fixings for her; or

8.   Take her a basket filled with wine (teas if she doesn’t drink), cheese and crackers; or

9.   At her office, leave a box of candy on her desk with a kind note; or

10. Take her some comedy movies with a Valentine’s Day survival kit of chocolates and other sweets; or

11.      Do you make a favorite dessert that she loves? Or is there a favorite dessert from a restaurant you know she enjoys? Hand deliver it; or

12.      If you have a picture of her late husband or of the two of them together from happier times, frame it. Or, send it via email. Include a note with a good memory of her deceased husband; or

Children's Valentine, 1940–1950

Children’s Valentine, 1940–1950 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

13.      Call her, or go to her and ask her about her favorite Valentine’s Day memories and/or share your good memories of her husband. “I know you’re probably thinking about him today, and I wanted you  to know that I am thinking about him, too. I remember when he [recall a fond or funny memory].”  If you didn’t know him, that’s ok too just let her know you remember she is without him and let her talk about him; or14.      As hard as it may seem, take her to the cemetery to visit her husband’s gravesite; or

15.      Make a donation, i.e., a tree, brick, block, bench, anything that has a lasting memory for others to share in. Take a photo of it and include it in a card; or

16.      Send your handyman to her house for a full day of fix-it; or

17.      Give her a gift card to the car wash, for an oil change, trip to the grocery store; orthCAMRGDUO

18.      If the widow has children, take the initiative to make things happen.  If she has young children, get them to   create Valentine’s Day cards for their mom, the widow. Make sure you have the children include words such as “We know   Daddy still loves you…and so do I” or “You are greatly loved.” If her children are around middle school age, maybe take them to the store to help them buy a small gift and card for their  mom, the widow.  If  they’re teenagers who can drive, remind them in a friendly way via text or a phone call how much their mother would appreciate a Valentine’s Day remembrance; orValentines_Day_gifts-for-her-2012

19.      Offer to take care of her children for a few hours in the evening or during the day, and give her a gift card for a manicure/pedicure, makeup session, or spa appointment; or

20.      If she has children, one friend babysits while others take her on an outing; or

21.      Have a covered-dish dinner party at your home and invite a mix of singles and couples, if she doesn’t want to leave her home which is full of memories of her husband then bring the party to her house; or

22.      Friends write “missing you” and other messages on notes, insert them into balloons, and have a balloon release party; or

23.      Select something to do that will bring a lot of fun and laughter; or

24.      If you want to give something to a widow but you feel uncomfortable, you can do so anonymously.

25.      If you ask her to do something with you on Valentine’s Day and she says “I prefer to be alone,” honor her wishes but do call to let her know that you are thinking of her during the second most painful day of her entire life.  If she doesn’t answer your call, picture her sitting there, alone, crying and missing her beloved   husband and leave an “I’m just thinking about you” message.  You can text her throughout the day that you are thinking of her. 1052x796-Love-Verse-Valentine-Day-Cards

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11 thoughts on “Why Not Honor A Widow This V-Day?

  1. Wow…I wish I could have done one of things for you yesterday. So I think I will buy a small plant in your honor today and shower it with love and watch it grow….much much love and support to you…

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  2. My mom lost my dad a couple of days after Valentine’s day to an accident. She was not there for my dad just because she was in the city where I was studying to look after me who became so rebellious during that time. 😦

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  3. I can’t think of a better way to spend Valentine’s Day. So much more than any of those pointless gestures that people do on V-Day because they feel like they’re expected. I think cheering up a widow (or widower) is a fabulous idea!

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