Why do I blog here?
Because…it helps me stay sane.
Why do I need help staying sane?
Because my husband, my soulmate, the love of my life passed away.My husband Mike on our wedding day…
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died three months later. All cancer sucks it does but this was a horrific battle for us. It was almost impossible to get him treatment, the insurance companies don’t like cancer diagnosis. It costs too much money to treat!
His death left me numb except for incredible sadness. I had invested my entire being into Mike. What he liked to do, where he wanted to go, who he called his friends was ok with me as long as he was happy. I had NO IDEA who I was when he died. Except I knew one thing I went from wife to widow. BAM! Just like that a whole new title for me. A title I did not want. A title…a label I knew nothing about and certainly a new way of life I had not expected so soon in life.
Everyone my husband and I knew and I truly mean EVERYONE left me. After the funeral there was no one.
They scattered to the four corners of the earth, vaporized into thin air or just dropped off the face of the earth because not one soul stayed around. Did they think cancer was contagious? Or was Mike’s death too hard for them to handle? If so, did they think it was easy for me?
Like Mike, mom lived only 3 months after diagnosis. It seemed too much for one person to handle…too much for me to handle! How can life be so cruel? WHY?!?! is life so cruel?
Since I had no one but the talking heads on TV to interact with I turned to this site…to vent, to wonder, to ponder, to explore, to reflect, to try to figure out what am I going to do with the rest of my life? I’m working on it. I’m working on finding myself, this battered and heart sore person. I’m working on finding hope in life again. I’ve seen glimpses of it but nothing sticks. So until I’ve picked myself up entirely and dusted widow shroud off me…here I remain…
- Pancreatic Cancer Information (cancercenter.com)